I Love My Dad

Today was ok - although I didn't sleep very well. I had the most bizarre dreams - mostly of my Uncle and family and such. Madeline had crept into bed with us again last night and felt my anxiety as she continually kicked me all night. Oh well - what's a nights sleep anyway - int he big scheme of things, right?

Madeline and I went to see our Monday morning movie this morning - and had a great time. Although I think I enjoyed the movie more than she did - I think I just enjoy being at the movies since that just doesn't happen very often. Then we drove into town to drop off my Social Security paperwork. All very normal Monday stuff. I love normal. OH - so my neighbor drops by this morning to give me fresh peas and green beans from her garden (yum!) and I totally forgot to put on my scarf. Isn't that funny! I was JUST blogging about that yesterday. It didn't even occur to me to put it on. Maybe I'm making progress. And ya know, she was fine - just fine. In fact, she said "look how cute you look!" before I even realized I didn't have it on.

My girls were just wonderful today - I swear, sometime I just don't think I can hug them tight enough - or kiss them enough - I just can't get enough of them. I just soak them up - much more so now than I ever did before. I am so blessed. I really don't worry about house work, I get it done when they are napping - if they nap - otherwise, I play with them and love on them (and discipline, they aren't THAT perfect) all day long. If there is one thing cancer has taught me, it is to soak up people - just be saturated with them. (well, most people, there are those few that you want to saturate somewhere else please) And being saturated by children is most fulfilling.

I went to see my Dad tonight and chat with him. I love my Dad so much - it took us a long time to get to the place we are in our relationship. Mostly because of me, not him. I was young and bitter and angry and full of angst like most girls in their teens and 20's - then in my 30's I finally figured it out. I realized he was the only Dad I had, and that I needed to get to know him as a person to see how we got along - and surprise! I was JUST like him. I could never be so proud. It was no nice tonight to be able to just pop over and hang out and chat w/ him and Nancy. They are such a key part of our support system, I know we could not do this without them - or at least not do this very well. How very blessed I am.

I'm very tired tonight, and hope I am not catching a cold. Haven't quite felt myself this week - so I am off to bed. Ironically enough, my devotional for today was so on the mark, I want to share just a little bit here. I hope to achieve this sense of peace - it's by a woman named Pam Brown - she writes:

During the course of chemotherapy treatments, my body changed. I was very thin with a few sprigs of hair sticking out of my scalp. My skin was pasty white, and even though I slept a lot, I had dark circles under my eyes. I share this with you not to discourage you, but to let you know that you're not alone if you are wondering who that woman in the mirror really is. The good news? I quickly gained back the weight and lots of hair, and although I don't sleep nearly as much now, I don't have circles under my eyes anymore - maybe just a few wrinkles! But I came to understand that my body and mind, although crucial to my survival on earth, were not the essence of who I was then, or who I am today. I came from God and will return to Him when my time is here is done. With that knowledge, cancer lost much of it's grip on me. It could never have the 'real me'. That part was already taken. It had been bought and paid for on the cross of Calvary.

I can only aspire to this - I know I'm not there yet. But close. Thank you to all for your thoughts and prayers. God Bless.