Hairy legs still - wouldn't ya know it.

Isn't that just a bitch? I no longer have to shave my underarms, which is great - but I still get stubly on my legs. Wouldn't ya just know it. Also, I've got this really light hair on my head - it's sparse, not like a full head of new growth, but you can see it if you look at my head, that I have like an inch of really light blonde hair - what is up with that? Very strange. And my eyebrows and eyelashes are still hanging on for dear life. Thank God. I so don't want to lose those - talk about looking strange. My hair, and lack of it - is something I think about daily - wondering what is coming next.

Felt good today, got real tired around the late afternoon, but I think I always got tired around that time. I really need to exercise more and get this flabby extra 30 lb overweight body into shape. It really affects my whole state of mind and state of being to be like this. See, PJ and I were supposed to start the Fat Smash diet when Ginger turned 1, just like when Madeline did - when we both dropped 30 lb each. Then this whole cancer thing comes into view, and we realize that we both stress eat. Not good. So, we gotta get in some kind of routine here soon - to clear our heads - it so hard. Cancer or not, so hard to get back into that expecise routine with 2 kids - I thought it was hard with 1. Enough talking about it here Dina, just do it and quit wasting blog space. Oy vais. It's ice cream's fault anyway, why do they make it taste so yummy?

Took Madeline for her first swimming lesson today - and she did pretty good I guess. She got in the pool with the instructor initially, then decided she didn't really like that very much and kept running over to me. We spent the rest of the half hour with our feet in the pool. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

I had forgotten to share this observation of mine that occurred last week that I found very interesting. We buy 3 different kinds of milk in our house - for various reasons I won't go into now. So, our fridge is kinda cramped. In any case, sometimes PJ or I will place something from in the fridge on TOP of the fridge to move it out of the way while we get something else - get the mental picture here? Well, every once in awhile we will forget that we put something up there and the other will find it up there a little while later, make fun of the other, and put it back in the fridge. Well, the other morning, I went to the top of the fridge 3 different times for other things, cereal to be exact (getting it and putting it back) before I realized there was milk up there. I had literally looked right past it to get something else, and never saw it was there. After I got over my frustration of having to throw it out as it had been up there all night, I realized how focused I was on something else, and how I had not even noticed what was right in front of me. Literally, right in front of me consdering the cereal I had grabbed was behind the milk sitting there - I had to push it out of the way! Pushed it without even seeing it - how often does this happen in our lives? Where we are focused so much on something else - that we miss something really important - right in front of our faces? I suddenly felt like I had uncovered something super important. I want to now train my brain to look closer, to look past my intended view and maybe I'll see something new and different, something that could teach me something I didn't realize I needed to know - like what the milk taught me. Crazy, huh? Or - maybe this is just the chemo making me think up this crap - either way, I thought it was an interesting observation.

My sweet PJ is going on Friday for a vasectomy - and I know he is super nervous. Who wouldn't be - did you know they don't even knock them out for this? It's just a local - I told him to ask for a valium at least to take beforehand (he got this thank God). We have such mixed emotions about this still - not him getting it, just the fact that he has to - that we won't have any other children. It makes me so sad to think that this is the way this decision was really made - because of my cancer. I know, I could kick and scream and yell 'it's not fair!' - but who would listen, right? But it's really not fair! We are those rare people that just love having babies and children - if we were 10 years younger, and obviously with a better body for me, we would have had many more children. We're talking about getting me better, then possibly becoming a foster family, maybe that's what we're supposed to do - who knows. I know we are supposed to do something with more children. Ours or other peoples. We'll see what He has in store for us.

Well, I'm off to bed - very tired. Not sure if this is the chemo or sheer laziness - let's blame it on the chemo. ;-)

God Bless -