I'm Retaining Water - Everyone's Water.

This is really one of the most frustrating things - I'm gaining weight like crazy now, and I can't seem to do anything about it. I'm so tired this week (this was supposed to be my off week where I felt great - NOT!) and achy and yukky feeling, I can't muster any energy to exercise, much less the time to do so. All the steroids they put me on each week isn't helping either. I'm going to really focus on my eating habits. This is something I can control, so why not start there. Not that we've been eating poorly, but paying closer attention will help. It's funny, anything that is processed, I can't taste very well - all fresh vegetables and fruits taste wonderful to me. So, can't get a better hint than that, eh?

I'm a bit frustrated as well this evening, with the need to be me, and not able to be because of this treatment, and the fear that I'll forget who I was when this treatment is all over with. I played outside with my girls this afternoon and got so tired, I had to come in after 30 minutes. Madeline pleads with me to stay outside, and Ginger cries as I pick her up to come back inside, and I just feel awful. I mean, at least we got outside this afternoon at all - right? I just feel so guilty that I cannot be the mom I want to be to them. On the other side of this, we do all laugh a lot, and cuddle, and kiss and hug an awful lot. I try to do fun things with each of them everyday - I just wish I could do more. I will, I know, it's just hard.

We've got a busy weekend planned, I get to finally meet someone tomorrow night that I've been wanting to meet for awhile - someone that reached out to me through a friend of mine, who lives in my community, is around my age and has a similar situation as mine. It will be nice to talk to someone who knows what I'm going through, and trying to raise her family at the same time. I have a high school friend visiting us from back east on Sat. I haven't seen this friend for 20+ years, I'm really looking forward to it. Sunday is my niece Brittany's birthday so we'll head down to Phoenix for lunch with her - that will be nice. Well, I had one weekend of hibernation at least!

I'm really kinda funky tonight and wicked tired. I haven't been able to get myself into bed this week until well after midnight, and I'm gong to try to get to bed earlier tonight. I'm hoping for an attitude adjustment here pretty soon too, need to get past this funk this week and get to fighting this thing again. It's funny, my off weeks always seem to screw with my head. Stupid cancer.

Thank you for all your prayers, we are forever grateful. Bring on the bean sprouts!!!!!

God Bless -