Do You Need Help With That?

Well, it has started. I went out in public for the first time today, with my little scarf on, and it's pretty clear now, to all that see me, that I am sick. I didn't realize how good I had it before. I almost wish I had kept my hair just a little longer. I didn't even think about this part.

I went to Walmart today to pick up a couple things, and I was treated so much differently, it was funny actually. Well, first of all, it's Walmart - another frickin universe unto itself. In general we must prepare ourselves to enter it's doors - but now, I must prepare even more. I get a lot more smiles I must admit, which was nice. Except from some of the younger, teenager types - they were the ones, at least today, who stared. Oddly enough, this did not bother me. Everyone else seemed to smile. Smile with just a hint of pity. I went to the sewing area to pick out some material - a friend of mine gave me some of her little scarves when she went through chemo and I really love them. They are the most comfortable of everything I've acquired - so I thought I would pick out some more fun material and see if she can make me some more. (Scooby Doo was one I picked out - Madeline will LOVE this, especially if I got enough material to make her one too! I hope I did) ANYWAY - I had one woman ask me outright if I had breast cancer, and I answered yes. She had a very sweet face. The woman helping me said "Well, attitude is everything - you've got a good one!" Whew! Glad to know this! Then I had to go pick up something from Site to Store shipping, and I had to show ID to pick it up. I whipped out my drivers license and it really just took me by surprise, I looked at it and blurted out "Wow - that's me with hair!" The woman was clearly taken aback by this, I felt horrible for making her feel so uncomfortable. I just had forgotten what that picture looked like - it's not like I ponder over my drivers license for hours on end. She must have asked me 5 times if I needed help out with my package. Then the cashier just started putting all my bags into my cart for me. No one has ever done this. So I think this is just the beginning. I'm so very curious at how people will treat me differently.

Had a lovely playdate today, Sarah, my new friend brought over yummy lunch and her beautiful little girls and we had a lovely time. I'm so blessed not only with the wonderful friends I have made, but all the new friends I am making through this process. I just wonder if the 'newness' of my cancer will wear off, and I will find myself talking about things other than my cancer eventually - OR - maybe my cancer is the new conversation to have? Hmmmmm. It doesn't bother me to talk about it, in fact, it's quite helpful to me. I'd much rather have people ask me a ton of questions than just sit and awkwardly talk about the weather or something stupid like that. (unless the weather is particularly noteworthy, which in this case, AZ - it is not usually) I just feel kinda selfish sometimes, like it's ALL I'm talking about. I don't know, I guess it'll figure itself out.

Then, another awesome MOPS mom, Amy, made us a yummy chicken enchilada dinner. Again, I can't tell you how much these meals help us. It has always been so important to me to sit down as a family and have meals together. And this treatment regime makes me so tired, it is such a life saver to not have to worry about preparing these meals. Again, how very blessed we are. Thank you all.

I can tell I haven't had treatment this week. I almost feel like normal Dina today (well, normal but balding) which was really nice. Next treatment is going to be a bitch though - not only am I starting a new drug (a 90 minute drip) they also had to schedule me for another echo cardiogram because I 'm going off the Sutent for the study. So after treatment (Benedryl, steroid, Taxol, Avastin) then we stop in Cottonwood for the echo - ARG. I told PJ to just turn and point me in the direction I need to go on Wed. I'll be a zombie by the time I get home.

We have home projects planned for the weekend, so I can REALLY feel normal. I'm going to get my wig styled tomorrow morning, so that should be exciting. And, hopefully pick up my Captain Stubbing. (this was the balding Captain of The Love Boat - for all you young people who don't know what I"m referring to - I had to explain this recently, so I thought I'd clarify) I know, you're jealous!

Love to all -