A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Chemo...

So today was the day - and gladly, no reaction to the new drug - Hooray! Well, not yet. I think I am fully prepared drug wise to counteract anything at this point, so I'm not really worried. Today's appointment was, however, so very long. They were very behind and after bloodwork (which came back great btw) I didn't even START my treatments until 12:30. Therefore, wasn't done until after 4pm, therefore, missed my echo cardiogram appt. Sooooooo, we all get to drive to lovely Cottonwood tomorrow at 1pm for this silly test. Wasn't really prepared for a full family outing tomorrow, but I'm learning daily to roll with the punches with this thing. You never know what is going to happen, how I'm going to feel, blah blah blah. Certainly keeps life exciting.

During my treatment today, after PJ and I prayed before they started the new drug, I started listening to this really cool cd PJ's Aunt Keitha sent me. It's positive visualization for cancer patients, and it's very relaxing. I really enjoyed the part I heard, problem was, it apparently was so relaxing, I fell asleep. I'm hoping subconsciously I heard it all, but fell asleep nonetheless. I'll try it again next time and see if I can stay awake. PJ and I started talking at one point today (since we had a LOT of time to kill) that since I can't taste anything, it would be really cool if someone would open a bar for chemo patients with ports, then, they could just administer drinks to patients through the port. You'd feel the effects of the drink without having to drink them - cool eh? I know, we thought it was funny. We aren't always everyone's cup of tea.

OH - the last couple of treatments, we end up in this like, back area of the treatment area. They are kinda like cubicles with lazy boys facing windows - and they are always so full, we end up in the one on the end with all the supplies, spare gurney, water bottles (PJ replaced one for the nurses staff today) - like we're in the 'supply room of the chemo area'. It's really funny. I told him that I guess this is just supposed to be our area, even though it looks like they decided they could fit a Lazy Boy in this room AFTER they made it a supply area. they were like "yea, this could be a chemo area - why not?" I guess it's better me than one of the older patients - they deserve the pretty view, I have my beautiful husband to look at. (I know, cue vomit sounds)

So know it's the waiting game, let's see what will happen to Dina this week! I'm walking in the Relay For Life on Friday - me, PJ and Madeline are, and if I'm feeling OK, we'll stay the night. (it's from 6pm to 8am the next morning) If I'm not, then we may not be able to camp out for the evening. We'll see - but I am so looking forward to spending an evening around such a wonderful event and such supportive people. Really exciting stuff. And thank you to all who donated - it means so much to me, truly.

To close, I wanted to share with you a discussion PJ and I had on our family walk after dinner tonight (yummy chicken enchiladas, thank you Lonnie what a blessing). PJ said he just wants to get through this second cycle of treatments so we can get the CT scan and see how much longer we have to do this so we can get back to our lives. He says he just is choosling to see this as a big inconvenience. One of those things in life you just have to go through, and just get it over with. Now, I did not hear this as I am a big inconvenience (as I"ve done int he past and was very upset), so my thought pattern didn't go in that direction this time, as it has in the past - thank you God. But, I said to him I couldn't look at this so simply. Lord I wish I could - but I just can't. I mean, I have started praying for divine intervention, it feels a little strange to me, but I've started. (saying the words out loud too) But I don't want to simplify this experience to a mere inconvenience? Or maybe I should be? Would that assist in my attitude? I don't know. I want to be realistic, but I also know, when this is all said and done I will NOT be able to go back to our life as it was - because I am not the same person, mother, wife I was before I was diagnosed. I'm still figuring out who that person is, but it's definitely different that what I was. I guess I really don't have an answer here, just that I am starting to pray differently, and that started last night, and it helped me immensely today. I found myself in a few quiet, reflective moments today. Not bad places, just quiet. Perhaps I need to ponder PJ's comments a little further, and learn to lighten up a bit. Maybe that is what his words are teaching me. I'm learning so much through this journey, from everyone. People I don't even know, to the people that are closest to me. Absolutely amazing.

God Bless - and thank you for your prayers. They are working.