Thinner

Well, my hair is really coming out now. I'm seeing things on my scalp I never knew were there. Some moles and such. It was weird, we were having dinner and a neighbor suddenly appeared to give us some coupons (she is very sweet and does this quite often) and I was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to jump up and go put on a scarf or something. I didn't like that feeling very much, being embarrassed. I haven't felt that until now. Yukky.

I did wear my Captain Stubbing to my echo cardiogram this afternoon, which went fine by the way. It is really cool. I will have PJ take pics of it to show you and post them this weekend. I'm not much in the mood for pics tonight. I like the Captain Stubbing, it is going to be a nice option. She (Mary Jo at the Wigwam) also make me a pair of bangs, just bangs to pin into a scarf - it is really cool! And, she did both of these for me for no charge. Very cool.

I'm feeling fine today, was a little tired this afternoon but I think that was because I was up with Ginger @ 3am - and we never really fell back asleep after that. Typical mother tired - can't complain about that. But the day after my treatment is usually fine, still hopped up on the steroids, so that provides a comforting high. We'll see how I am tomorrow. Unfortunately, when I catch a glimpse of myself, it still takes me by surprise. I mean, I'm kind of getting into the swing of how these treatments make me feel, and learning to really manage them in a way. But, I can't seem to get used to the way the treatments are making me look. I still feel like Dina, I just don't look like her, or what I remember her looking like - if that makes any sense. I wonder if that will get any easier. I'm growing into a comfortable place with the feelings, but not into the physical changes yet - I guess. It's frustrating. It's like a pass by a mirror can just take the wind out of my sails. Again, with the mirrors. Hmmm.

We have the relay for life tomorrow so I most likely will not post tomorrow night. But will have some great pics from it to post on Sat. So I'm going to get some sleep tonight, I'm a bit tired and the acid reflux is starting to set in, so I must go take a prilosec. Thank you GOD for these pills - they are AWESOME! Much better than those horrible Gaviscon. I'm so glad I don't have to relive that experience. As I'm sure you all are so I won't have to bitch about it here again. ;-)

Much love to all, thank you for your prayers and good wishes.


*Just had to edit this post from earlier - I had PJ shave my head to the skin tonight - thought we'd just get this over with and stop the constant torture of my hair constantly falling out everywhere. I'm so glad he was the one to do this. I love him so much, I didn't think PJ and I could get any closer than we already were, but we have and our relationship continues to grow in ways I could have never imagined. Here are the fresh pics - and I did make them black and white because I'm just not used to the whiteness of my newly bald head yet - it's so weird. Here's to the final transition - and a new beginning as far as we're concerned. Let's kick this cancer's ass. Upward and onward.