The Family Bed

So we're watching my mom's dog still, and this morning I woke up to our dog, Snickers under the covers at my feet, Madeline under my covers with arms wrapped around my neck, my mom's dog, Angel, lying in between PJ and myself, then of course PJ WAY over on the other end of the bed. Poor Ginger is all alone in her bedroom - actually, not poor Ginger - she's probably the only one getting a full nights sleep! That's ok - I don't mind.

Had great mom and daughter time again with Madeline as we went to her summer movie this morning - we met up with some friends from her school, so that is always very cute to watch. Kung Fu Panda - cute movie. We enjoyed it and didn't have to leave to go to the bathroom once - this is a first.

Had my annual OB appt - which was fine too I guess. Strange being in the waiting room with all the expectant mommies - wishing I could be one of them. PJ and I hadn't really decided we weren't going to have any more kids. I mean, we did, but we didn't. We said we were done, but we both secretly knew if I just happened to get pregnant again, we wouldn't mind at all. Now of course, this is a different story. They basically said they would arrest me if I got pregant while I was on treatment. I had to sign oodles of paperwork about this. It made us angry more than anything, the fact that the cancer had taken this decision away from us. I'm older, I know that, but still - I just loved being pregnant and having babies. I felt like it was exactly what my body wanted to do. In talking with my OB, we discussed the fact that my cancer was most likely present through my entire pregancy with Ginger. That the preganancy most likely did two things, caused the cancer to grow a bit faster, considering the kind of breast cancer I have, and also hid it all together. Being pregnant causes so many other changes to your body, who would have thought some of the things I was experiencing was breast cancer. Interesting insight. Anyway, the appt went fine and I don't have to go back again for another year. Good news. He also gave me favorable feedback on the breast exam he did - so I'm again hopeful for tomorrows scan.

Something I meant to chat about last night was a segment on Dateline PJ and I watched last night. It was about struggling families in this economy, and we both watched with tears in our eyes. My need to give back was strong before, but it is just overwhelming now. I MUST give back. It's almost like a calling of sorts - which is cool because it's what was talked about a lot at the MOPS retreat, there will definately be an opporunity to do this there. But once I kick this cancer's ass and can operate at 100% - I'll be full force giving back. I just can't wait.

Scan is tomorrow, and since it's being done right there at my oncologist facility, I most likely will have results pretty quick. Am I nervous? No. I just want to drink this yukky stuff, go there, drink more yukky stuff, have the scan and find out what's going on inside me. I've got a pretty good handle on what's going on with the outside parts of me, it's the inside that I need to know about now. So wish me luck and say a prayer or two. And say a prayer or two or send good thoughts/vibes for my husband - he is struggling as of late, and I can't seem to comfort him. I can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. He doesn't really have anyone to talk to about this, except me, and sometimes I'm not the best person to talk to about this, if that makes sense. We've always been each others best friend, and he needs to vent on this subject, it just doesn't seem to work when he vents to me. I automatically take responsibility for it, which is not what he needs. He needs a safe place to talk - and I just don't know where that is for him. Please keep him close to your heart.

Thank you - gotta run and get some sleep - God Bless. Game on!!!!