Cancer + Relationships = ????

Today went well - and I love the fact the afternoon here was filled with thunderstorms and rain and cool weather - we opened up the house for the latter part of the day and evening and just let all this fresh air in, it felt great. I'm feeling ok - not the same as last week, which is a little frustrating, but I'm sure this is common. I just had some stomach pain start this evening which I'm trying to control with antacids and anti-nausea medication. We'll see.

It's interesting how relationships go through a very strange metamorphosis when you tell people you have cancer. Double whammy to the relationship when you tell them you have stage 4 cancer - and I know I need to respect the way all individuals deal with this information, I mean we are all different, I realize that and respect that. Some family members didn't call for awhile, some friends disappeared - friends I haven't spoken to in years - and I mean like, 10-15 years, I'm talking to on a daily basis now, friends I wasn't real close with now know me better than some family members, friends distance themselves from you and make it about them and what they can deal with; but for the most part - I have such a renewed sense of humanity. I have never, in my entire life, been lifted up and embraced by a community like this community has done for me. People have showed up for me in ways I have never experienced in my life. Given the current economic climate, this is completely overwhelming and blessedly reassuring. We are all put on this planet to love one another - that is really the threadline through all belief systems. If we all just followed that, could you imagine the power. Well, I am experiencing this power now. And while my relationships with people continue to evolve, I am confident that me wishing everyone well and good things can only do them, and me, good in the end. Now, that's not always easy - there are many times I want to drop the ol F bomb and scream out loud (which sometimes I do in private I'll admit) but for the most part - I am so proud to join hands with this community who have given me the power, or helped me realize the power within myself, to fight this thing head on. I don't look back, and only look forward and pray and stay strong and laugh - God yes, laugh - ALL THE TIME. You wouldn't believe the amount of material there is at these chemo treatments - there's a sitcom waiting to happen here. But I digress. I guess my point is this if I even have one tonight - I'm focusing on the relationships that are moving with me through this journey, not holding me back - I must - I must fight with those who are fighting with me. And I thank you God for putting all the pieces into place for me, for organizing this team or amazing individuals, I cannot and will not fail. Someone said to me today "ya know, I just hope this doesn't all die out, ya know, you have a long haul ahead of you and the momentum may fade for you". Hmmmmm, well let's look at that for a moment. While I may not expect every day to be full of pink t-shirts - I am humbled by the fact that there were may days that were - when I needed them most to be. That is what I hold onto, that is where I fix my mind in times of fear - this is what God has given me. Now it is my duty to follow this through to the end. I have enough momentum for myself because of this community to get me through all of this. When it's your life, it means something a little different than something else. Momentum? Not a problem.

Well, I think I've rambled on enough on this subject - now that this is out of my brain, I'll be able to sleep much better. Thanks as always for reading, and your prayers, and your - momentum. ;-)