Is that a rash or are you just glad to see me?

Well, obviously Fridays are going to me my not so good days. Woke up to the a rash on my arms again, then the more I moved around the further the rash spread. Itchy rash on my arms, legs and belly - so I called my nurse and doctor and left a message (it was like 6am) then laid back down. Still had pain in my hands from the night before as well (like when you would sprain your wrist playing tether ball or something - I'm dating myself now, aren't I?) Anyhoo - the rash subsided by the time I woke up a couple hours later - but the guilt did not. My husband certainly did not plan on me being incapable of taking care of the girls today - so I felt horribly guilty, a feeling I pretty much feel on a regular basis these days. My doc and nurse called to tell me I could take Benedryl up to 4 x a day, and vicodin for the hand pain. Not really an option I found out w/ me and the girls alone, and Advil doesn't really work either. My dear friend Jennifer came out (again, hello guilt!) and brought us dinner and stayed with me until PJ got home from the store. She is truly a saint.

In retrospect, these side effects today are really not that bad. The hand pain is the most annoying because it keeps me from effectively caring for Ginger (lifting her, holding her, etc.) But it beats nausea or any of those other type of bodily unpleasantries. So, I figure so far so good. My typing is really bad, so if there are misspelled words, it's only cuz I can't get to them real fast. My apologies. Now the muscle/joint pain is in my legs and feet as well, again, common I'm told. So I guess this is what arthritis feels like? How awful.

I watched most of that Farrah Fawcett special tonight, which I don't know if it was or wasn't a good idea or not. Part of me wants to say yes, the other says no. It was difficult to watch, I can tell you that. But I'm glad I did it nonetheless. I certainly did a lot of praying through this, for her obviously, but for my own fears as well. This disease is at best - humbling - no matter what form it comes in. I didn't even know anyone could get anal cancer - how horrible, how horrifically horrible.

I'm hoping today was my worst day - and at least now I know I will need help here on Fridays - for a couple hours so PJ will be able to get some work done next time. He is such a Godsend, truly. We'll have to figure out how to get someone here with me on Friday's. It is so hard to be helpless. It is so hard to accept help when I am so used to being in charge of my family. By God's grace, I will persevere through this, with all these wonderful people by my side. Thank you for your prayers and all you've done to help us through this. One treatment down, one treatment less to go - right??

dina