Sweet Emotion.

That was by far the best Aerosmith song ever. And completely appropriate for my day today. Today I had a somewhat normal day, taking Madeline to school and Ginger to the dr for her 12 month check up (3 shots - but she took it like a trooper). All day though was this underlying fear of what is to happen tomorrow. I know this is a good thing - and finally, thank you God finally, SOMETHING is happening to kill this stuff. That - will feel good. It's the side effects that is the big unknown to me. I'm trying really hard to hear the advices of women who have been there - I know I just have to face it and plow right through it. I've prepared the best I can, I just need to do it now. My dear husband knows when I need some quiet time alone, and graciously suggested I take the car into town to get gas and milk for the girls after dinner. Which I did - I listened to some music given to me by Kelly, which was just beautiful - this will definitely be on my 'Chemo Playlist' for my ipod. Thank you Kelly. And mostly I just prayed out loud. More like chatted w/ God really - about how I was feeling, I was scared, anxious, ready, not ready, worried, angry, every emotion you can imagine, I think I feel - daily. It's exhausting. Bottom line? - I'm a really good mommy to my little girls. I'm a really good wife to my husband. I'm a really good friend and daughter. Nothing is going to stop me from continuing to be these things, nothing.

Then my mind kinda wandered for a minute - maybe I'll be electric or something? Or magnetic? Maybe I'll be like, bionic - that would be cool. I think I've been watching way too many Xmen movies. Ya think?

I'm going to keep this short tonight as I want to get a good night sleep and cuddle w/ my hubby - so I will close with this.

We were saying grace tonight before dinner, and I thanked God for all the wonderful family and friends he has blessed us with, and to help us accept help from people because we don't easily do that. I then started to ask for strength, courage and conviction for tomorrows treatment and I started to cry. Madeline asked me "mommy, are you crying?" and I said "yes" Then she reached over, we grabbed hands and she said "I'll take care of you mommy." Blessed - I am truly blessed.

Thank you as always for lifting me up in prayer - my appt is at 10:45 tomorrow - may the champagne of chemo flow bright through me tomorrow and kill these cancer cells in their tracks!!

Game On!

Dina