More Support Than an Underwire!!

I actually needed a day to recoup from my Thursday. This was absolutely incredible.

So I actually woke up in a pretty good mood, which is rare these days, and excited to take Madeline to school and Ginger to MOPPETS and myself to MOPS - ahhhhhh the regular routine at last. As I stand in line to sign Madeline in to school, I notice all these people around me are wearing these pink t-shirts. Moms of other preschoolers, teachers - MOPS moms, they all seem to have these shirts on. I think this is odd, but kinda maybe figure something was going on with some group I wasn't a part of or something. Then, as I'm signing Madeline into the book, I hear a little boy next to me ask his mom "Mommy, why is everyone wearing these pink shirts?" and his mom says "this is for one of the other mommy's here at school - she is sick and everyone is raising money to help her get better". I am at a complete loss as to how to explain how I felt - to say I was touched, humbled, moved, blessed - there simply are not enough words created in the human language to describe how I feel. But it goes on -

I get into the MOPS meeting room and everyone, I mean everyone - is wearing these pink t-shirts - they say 'Game On!' which is a phrase that came from Jennifer to me after the first prayer session we had about my cancer. Then underneath this phrase is the following scripture: 'Lord my God, I prayed for you, and you healed me. - Psalm 30:2

Apparently, this has been going on for quite sometime. My wonderful MOPS moms and mentor moms under Jennifer's swift guidance have been selling these t-shirts to help raise money for me and my family. As this was all revealed to me at the beginning of the meeting, I cannot explain the graciousness I feel. I am graced, I am blessed - I am completely overwhelmed. Never in my life could I ever guess this many people cared about me and my family - never in a million years. Profits from baked goods are dedicated to me, beautiful jewelry is made for me (which makes me feel so pretty I must say), profits from home run business are dedicated to me, the list goes on. They have raised $3800 to help us offset the costs of the medical bills & gas for treatments for the next 6-12 months. I have attached some pics taken to give you a sense of what this looked like - again, never in a million years would I have guessed, never.

Again, I am so very blessed. Then I learn Pastor Mary was working the 'big' room (sanctuary) last Sunday and had used me (and quotes from this blog) in her sermon. Again, never in a million years would I have ever imagined. When I went to pick up Madeline that day, her teacher told me that Madeline was just extra loving lately. That she had always been a very loving little girl, but was extra loving as of late. She said in chapel Madeline said that her mommy has a owie in her boobie. Madeline told me in the car on the way home that they prayed for me in chapel today. Tears, just tears - tears to hear her little voice mouth these words, and tears that she even has to - just tears.

Is it possible to be able to ever imagine how many lives we touch? One thing (amongst many) that caught me off guard about Thursday was the handful of people who approached me with tears in their eyes about other relatives of theirs they had lost to cancer. Mostly, it was mothers - and I have to say, this was very unexpected for me, but also, VERY healing for me as well, because it reminded me that this experience has much to teach MANY, not just me. 3 different women approached me with questions and confessions about dealing with cancer in their own families. Now, I thought this was extremely inappropriate at first, but only because I had lost my normal sense of helping others, something I do quite naturally and quite well. Suddenly I felt thrust into my old friend, compassion, which I had lost touch with for the past month and a half. I, cancer or not, am still Dina - and Dina helps people and connects with people almost instantly - and if I now have a new insight because of this ailment, that can help and, God bless, heal old wounds in people? - than this is what I must do. What an unexpected insight I have gained. Incredible.

After this whirlwind of a morning, I now rush home to quickly pack for our overnight Phx trip - which basically means I packed at the last minute, and forgot everything. This trip was to go and look at the 'F98ck U' car - which, it seems, the consensus is to keep this lovely wording (which is actually hid quite well, not as bad as I thought) . Had a mechanic check it out and it looks like this is going to work! We're thrilled. So, we need to get the paperwork in order and hopefully we can get my dear brother in law and his partner to drive it up here for us as it isn't likely for us to be driving down to Phx in the near future.

I found myself really sad last evening - sad to be hanging out w/ Sean and Joe as someone with cancer now - something I didn't like very much. I wanted to go back. This feeling perpetuated itself into today and I just couldn't shake it. I just didn't want this to be happening to me - now, this is not to say that I wanted this to happen to someone else, not like that. I did examine that feeling though for awhile, and I have to say that I just don't want this. I want it to go away, not to someone else. I know I haven't truly accepted this yet - and the 'why me' as pitiful as that sounds, is still greatly present in my mind. I prayed today for acceptance, because I cannot focus on getting rid of this crap if I don't accept that I have it. I came up with a little mantra, if you will. Considering my chemo schedule (every Wed for 3 weeks, then 1 week off) it will kinda go like this, starting with Mon (Fight - fight - fight - fight - fight - rest - rest) Fight during the week for strength and routine for my kids, then rest on the weekend. I have to do this, I have to keep moving forward. This whole prayer and discussion with myself happened for me in the car on the way to my dentist appt this afternoon - compliments of one of my dear friends in MOPS and her husband. Again, how blessed am I - they were so wonderful and took such good care of me and explained how to alleviate some of the uncomfortable side effects coming my way when it comes to my teeth. (oh joy). No dental work can be done during chemo as I am at a higher risk for infection.

So I come home to my beautiful family - my girls screaming my name when I come through the door - like I'd been gone for a week. I think my prayer worked, because I had a sense of peace about this when I was driving home. And an even more sense of peace as I viewed the huge Ritz cracker looking moon as I drove over the mountain on my way home. Beautiful. This will be an internal battle for awhile, but please do not mistake my not accepting at times as a sign of weakness - it is not. It is a human reaction, I think. I have never been one to back down from a fight - of any kind. I mean, sometimes in a black and white type of argument, I'd take the opposite side just for the fight. (I've grown up a lot since then, but determination remains). I have a date w/ my husband tomorrow night, and I'm thrilled! Dinner and a movie - I can't wait. Let's see if this weekend can actually be as close to 'normal' as we can get - no surprises, no scares, all healthy and happy with peace, I need more peace.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers - they are working. I feel the sudden bursts of energy and peacefulness throughout the day. I know that is what it is.