I have a catheter in my chest? Ew.

So - surgery went off today without a hitch pretty much. I had no idea this port was called a catheter - I always thought of the OTHER kind of catheter when I heard this word, who knew? I woke up really sleepy from the general and with a horrible headache this time, which is different than the last time. So when we got home (we were supposed to stop at KMart to get more diaper genie refills on the way home, but I wasn't feeling up to it) I had some crackers, a diet coke (of course) took 2 pain pills and slept for 2 hours. I felt much better when I woke up and came out and played with my girls. I love it when Ginger & Madeline see me - they get this HUGE smile on their faces and want me to hold them. The surgery site is small on me, and it hurts a little bit.

Madeline fell asleep before dinner was ready (no nap today) so we'll see if she sleeps through the night, and I was able to feed Ginger even though she rests on my left side, but Dad had to put her into bed. I originally wanted this on my right side of my chest, since I hold my babies on the left, but they wanted to put this opposite of the breast cancer site, which is of course, my right breast. Bummer.

I'm finding I am just as easily effected by positive comments as I am by negative comments. Some of these negative comments aren't intentional, I know this. But, I can't help dwell on them when they are said to me. Someone recently said to me, that my cancer was much more serious than their cancer was. I guess in the context of the conversation, this made sense, but I've done nothing but dwell on this comment all evening. More serious? I think cancer, in any form, is serious - I certainly don't want to win any contests of mine being better than anyone elses. I went online seeking specifically 'metastatic breast cancer success stories' and found this extremely helpful to my state of mind. I suggest EVERYONE who is seeing this as all doom and gloom for me to do the same - it does not have to be doom and gloom for me. My surgeon today was extremely positive which lifts me up. My oncologist is extremely positive, which lifts me up. My friends are extremely positive, which lifts me up. Obviously this is God showing me how trusting works. Trust and Hope - that's what I am working on every moment of my days.

Big haircut day is tomorrow morning. I'm nervous. And mostly pissed that when I wake up with bed head I won't be able to just pull it all in a ponytail and go for the day. It will really look like bedhead now with short hair. I guess the good news of that part is, it won't be that way for long. With no hair, I won't run the risk of having bed head for quite sometime. I'll just be able to throw on a little beanie and go. I ordered some of those last night, I'm eager to try them on to see how I look. Remember, it's going to be hard to be subtle as a bald 6 foot tall woman. It's not like I can wear a cowboy hat up here and expect to blend in. I also ordered eyebrows and eyelashes from a catalog that sells them for chemo patients. (yes, they are real hair eyebrows - way cool) I don't know if I'll need them, but my oncologist said it was a possibility for me to lose my eyebrows and eyelashes, so it will make me feel better to just have them on hand in case I need them. Even if I don't use them.

I'm getting sleepy again, otherwise I would keep writing. I'll be sure to post pics of tomorrow's events - did I mention I'm donating my hair to Locks of Love? You literally send your ponytail in the mail to them - kinda creepy, but it's for a great cause. I want to try to give back in whatever way I can right now, so many people are giving so much to me. So here we go - buckle your seat belts, it's going to be bumpy ride!!!!! ;-)