Dina - On Tap

Well, the day has come and gone. My first chemo treatment. It was a lot more entertaining than I had anticipated. Everyone I talked to who had this before, or new someone who had this before - said nothing really happened, that you anticipated something to happen, but nothing really happened. Until like day 2-3 or 4. Well, something happened to me. I had the reaction to the Taxol that some, not most, but some people have. (o course I did!) I had a rush of heat to my chest, shortness of breath, then intense heat to my face, followed by horrible nausea that left me wretching into a barf bag (not throwing up, just wretching, like that makes it better) SIDENOTE: First of all, these hospital barf baggies were great, they had this plastic outer part that made it somewhat discreet with 5 people standing around you watching you. Anyhoo, my doctor, nurses, clinical nurses all took very good care of me - they immediately stopped the Taxol and put me on another bag of Benedryl and Adavan (sp?) for allergic reaction and nausea. Now, I was REALLY groggy cuz they had put me on a bag of both of these before we got started. The tummy pain felt like really horrible gas pain after the nausea went away - that was really the worst part. So once I recovered from this reaction, they started the Taxol again, and I did just fine - Thanks Be To God. If I have been allergic to this medicine, we would have had to start all over again. So - 6 hours later, we left. Yes, 6 hours - it was a long day. We did stop by the pharmacy and get anti nausea medicine so I can nip this in the bud before it happens again. It was really awful - much worse than morning sickness - it was like food poisoning, except about 5 times worse. Makes sense if you think about it - my body was reacting to poison being put into it - it did what it thought it had to do to protect me. Pretty cool - extremely uncomfortable, but cool.

Of course I asked - 'will this happen every time now??' - 'no' they said. Thanks again. Whew. That would have made this extremely tough. But I am comforted in the fact they ALL were right there to help me through this reaction and I felt safe, and protected. The look on my poor husbands face though - bless his heart. He was afraid and so desperately wanted to fix it. I was given a real reality look into his heart at this moment, I love him so much.

Before I went to have my treatment, I met w/ my doctor and showed her a picture of my kids. I said "I know this may be a bit dramatic, but I wanted you to see their faces. Please look at my girls, and tell me you are giving me everything you've got to kick this thing. I can take it - give me everything you've got." She looked at me and said "Dina, that was the first thing I thought of when I read that your cancer had metastasised - I thought of your age, and your girls. I giving you all I've got." I love my doctor. She also mentioned the surgery again as well, looks like we'll go back here and discuss this after the treatment is over. Since the right breast was the primary site, that does stand for something. We'll see. Personally, since this is estrogen based, I'd be willing for a full hysterectomy once treatment is over as well - gotta get rid of those estrogen fueled girls parts. Drats. But - this is WAY down the road.

Ginger is having trouble falling asleep now, so I'm going to cuddle up with her in my bed and go to sleep. Gotta get Madeline to school and MOP meeting tomorrow. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts today, it got me through a tough one. Thank you.

Now I just wait for the side effects. I think I'll just try to live my life through them, pay attention to them when they arise, and try to ask for help when I need it. (the last part is the hardest)

dina