Happy Mothers Day!!!

Happy Mothers Day to all!!! And you don't have to be a mom to be wished a happy mothers day in my opinion. We women mother each other all through our lives - what would we do without each other???? So every woman is honored today. Happy Mothers Day.

Had my date night w/ my hubby last night, and we had a great time. Xmen movie was awesome (thank you CAT for the tickets - popcorn was yummy) and then, because we live in a small town, it was difficult to find a place to eat afterwards (9:30pm - I remember in NY not even going out until 10pm - oy) so we ended up just having appetizers at Garcias. It was funny though, all we really talked about were the girls and how awesome they were and how much we missed them. Then we had to go to the drugstore for some kid things then the supermarket for milk, so it kinda felt like we got a sitter to go grocery shopping. But we had a nice night out. Cuddling w/ my hubby in a movie is one of the best feelings ever.

This morning was great, although PJ and I both were desperately trying NOT to relive Ginger's seizure from last Sunday as we went through the day today. Ginger is doing great by the way. I woke up in Madeline's bed, PJ in our bed with Ginger - typical. But I had some lovely cards on the table from my husband and girls which I ended up reading in the car on the way to church as we were running a little late this am. My husband got me a beautiful necklace for Mothers Day - something I had mentioned awhile ago that I liked - he remembered - and got it for me. How very blessed am I - in so many ways. Then we ran a couple errands and met my dad and Nancy for lunch. It was lovely. Came home and we all napped for an hour or so - then, our garbage disposal broke and I had to speed over to Home Depot to buy a new one before they closed. Funny how life just interrupts everything, doesn't it? Did I really need to speed to go get this, no - but I wasn't about to put my hand in and pull out all those food buggers - no way. I have my limits.

So this week is again, crazy - I just want to settle into the 'new normal' - whatever that is going to be. Mon I have to go to Sedona for them to re-do the EKG test - not that there was anything wrong, quite the contrary - but for the clinical, this needs to be done a certain way and it wasn't done the right way. Arg. Tues is normal w/ Madeline in school and Ginger has her 12 month check up. So that will feel normal.

Wed is my first chemo treatment. If this works the way I think it will be, this will be my weekly date for treatment. The first treatment will take 3 hours they tell me. I'm nervous. Part of me is so scared - then another part of me is so ready to fight this, and this is the first step towards doing that. Just knowing I'm allowing poison to flow through me scares the shit out of me - but, this is the poison that is killing the cancer - so I need to suck it up and handle it. I guess I know I'm ready , but maybe what I'm scared of is how this is going to make me feel. I joined, by the blessed recommendation of my dear friend Martha in Phoenix, an online discussion group for Advanced Breast Cancer patients. I didn't want to do this initially - because, it really meant admitting I had ADVANCED breast cancer. Something I am still having trouble swallowing, but getting a little better now. But, this weekend I did, and I have to say - it is the best thing I've done. I feel such support and guidance in talking to women going through the same thing I am - literally, all over the world. I went ahead and put my fears out there and have already received such wonderful words of wisdom. Things like - 'don't fight the chemo, look at it as your friend helping you fight this stuff. Fighting it will make it worse for you'. That makes sense. Also, 'listen to your body. If you are the type of person to work through your tiredness, you can't do that anymore. If you are tired, you need to rest'. THIS will be the hard part for me. But with what is at stake, I must do this. Also, there are so many survivor stories that inspire me. I am so inspired and effected by positive words, prayer, smiles - they all seem to fuel me in a way I cannot describe. Unfortunately, the negative still works the same - but I'm still trying really hard to work & pray through that and come out on the other side. Boy, that is still such a hard journey though. And, I'm still pissed - pissed this is happening to me - which, accordingly to one of my new online friends, will not go away, but it will help me fight this. Makes sense too I guess. Just sucks - this whole thing just sucks. I put my girls to bed an night and pass by pictures of all of us in the hallway - and my heart just aches to go back. To go back to when I didn't have cancer - or when I didn't 'know' I had cancer? Just writing that out just now sounds completely stupid. I should be glad that I know now, and not when it was so bad they couldn't do anything about it. My doctor has already used the word remission w/ me - which from what I hear from others, some doctors don't even mention as a possible option. So I need to remember this, and feel blessed - and move forward, not backwards. Again, hard to remember.

Thurs we go to Cottonwood for PJ to have a consultation for a vasectomy. I know, timing - right? Well, this is something we decided upon awhile back, before this whole cancer thing. And, they are ADAMANT about me not getting pregnant during treatment - like, REALLY adamant. So, we figured we'd go ahead with this now too. Why not, right? We've really got nothing else going on right now. Plus, I want to see PJ with and ice packed banana hammock - that's what they give them to wear, right? I'm kidding, I love my husband dearly and commend him for doing this for us. I would do it, but can't right now unfortunately. Considering the kind of cancer I have - I would definitely do something about this now myself if I could.

Friday we have nothing planned for now, which is good - cuz that's when the effects of the chemo are supposed to surface. We'll see.

The car situation had taken a different turn in literally the last 12 hours. Our beautiful Mountcastle family has contacted us with a different option. We are officially now getting Grandma Nellie's car in Sierra Vista. Price has yet to be determined, but we've made the decision to go in this direction. Sorry - no 'F*ck You' car now. Although that car was fun to drive - I haven't driven a stick in what, 12 years? And, unlike playing the piano, it comes right back.

I cannot even begin to express how much my inherited 'family by marriage' means to me. I got to meet most of them at the reunion this past summer, and just fell in love with all of them. They are 'on my bus' so to speak, thank God. Their support has lifted me up in ways I cannot describe. Again, I am humbled by my many blessings. I just wish we all lived closer to each other.

Watching PJ install our new Mothers Day garbage disposal now - I know you all are jealous - not many moms get a necklace AND a disposal. That's ok - you can come and look at mine whenever you want. It's all shiny and new.

Love and prayers to all - and thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all your support - please keep the prayers coming.