God's Will? Hmmmmm.........

Today actually ended up being a good day - much to my surprise. This morning my husband and I woke up in opposite beds once again - me w/ Madeline in her twin bed and him in our great big king size bed with Ginger. These nights have got to change. Oy. Honestly though, I find it very healing to sleep w/ Madeline sometimes. She is just a very healing little child. I don't know how else to explain it. The night I got my haircut, I was reading her a bedtime story and she interrupted me to say "mommy - I think your hair looks beautiful". Such a sweet little soul she has.

Anyhoo, I went to WOW today, a Women of Wisdom class I take on Wed at the church. Unfortunately, the class that I really bullied my way into because when I went to sign up it was full - I haven't been able to participate in much this session because of this stupid cancer thing. Today's class will be the last one I'll be able to attend because my chemo will be on Wed starting next week. So it felt good to go. My girls in tow - with us all singing Beyonce 'All The Single Ladies' on the way into town (okay, Ginger doesn't really sing, but she smiles real big, claps and kicks her feet, it's adorable). The worship portion was awesome, then when we broke into our classes I got to give Pastor Mary a big hug - she even called me her favorite little liberal - I should've gotten that recorded, eh? ;-) I am not going to reveal anything about this class experience, as we all take an oath of privacy of all things shared in these sessions, which I highly respect. I will however share with you what I experienced within myself this morning, because for me, it is monumental.

A fire was stirred in my soul today. As I have stated, I know that my purpose in being placed on this earth was to meet PJ, become his wife and partner in this world, and have these 2 angelic little girls and be their mother. God did not will this cancer on me - man and environment have done that. What God does create is smart people developing medicines and cures for these diseases and brilliant caring doctors to facilitate them. After holding my seizing child in my arms this past weekend, I am most certain of God's plan for me - and that is to love, protect and raise my children to become smart, strong, confident women who are not afraid to be who they are out in this world. Women who make a difference in other people's lives, and give back to their community. God did not intend to have this all taken away from me. However, do not think that I am just going to sit back and watch God fix it - I don't think he does that either. I must fight for it, and dig deeper within my soul to connect to him, and those around me. I am more ready for this fight than I thought I could be. To wrap up this thought, PJ and I read Jeremiah 29:11 tonight, and I do not reach for the bible on a regular basis. After reading this, it just may be time for another tattoo after treatment. ;-)

My other friend Jennifer, sent me some of the little scarf hats she wore when she was going through chemo. Since my hair is short now, I went ahead and tried one on and ya know, it doesn't look that bad! Madeline wore one and I wore then other - then of course she wanted to trade, but we wore them together all through dinner. I figure not only do I need to get used to this, my girls do too. It went over much better than I expected. Thank you Jennifer - and I really like them, I will probably want to get more from your friend who makes them - they are great.

Tomorrow I get to do more normal things like take Madeline to school, go to MOPS - then we are heading down to Phx for an overnight stay with my brother in law and his partner as we are going to check out a vehicle for us. It would be much more economical vehicle for us to take to treatments, so we're going to have a mechanic in Phx check it out and see what the deal is. If it makes sense for us to purchase, we'll do it. I have to say though, that a paint job is required for this car before we get behind the wheel. Why you ask? Well, remember that nothing normal happens to our family - everything that happens to us has the essence of 'quirk' attached to it. This car just happens to have had something extremely foul keyed into the trunk portion. Are you ready? It says 'F*(* You' on the back end. When I was told this, I literally said "what???? it says what?????" I figure, I could just add 'cancer' to it if I couldn't get the paint job done right away. Kidding. In any case, if the price is right and it all checks out - we'll get the curse car a new paint job and drive it back up here. Too funny. I couldn't make this sh*t up if I tried.

Night Night for now - Pray for a quiet night in the Mountcastle house.