Deep Thoughts - From Dina and PJ

Ya know, if you look hard enough, you can find humor anywhere. I think I do this quite often, but my husband and I were on a roll today. First off let me say my treatment went real well today - however, it was really long and I've got 5 different drugs running through me right now and am getting very sleepy. We got there at 10:30am for lab work, didn't start treatment until 1:30 and finished at 5pm - home at 6pm. Long day. We were in the room right next to the guy who mixes the chemo medications. We thought he should have a martini shaker he should just shake occassionally, to see how people react.

So, each time I go from treatment, I have my lab work done first so they can check all my levels. My white blood count was a little low this time, but since I was coming up on a break, they were fine to give me my treatment but gave me a shot to help boost my white blood cell count. This shot causes fatigue and bone pain. Bone pain is in the sternum, the legs and the forehead. These are the largest areas that produce white blood cells - who knew? Hmmpf! Then after my lab work I go and see the doctor. She talks to me about how I'm feeling, answers my questions and then does a physical exam. Checks my breasts and does a lot of tapping on me. She said I'm doing really great - those were her exact words, so I'm quite hopeful. When she taps on my belly, she says she can't feel my liver, so that is good. I had no idea you could feel anyone's liver from the outside - by tapping or otherwie - see, my learning continues to grow with this process. I have, I admit, taken a couple taps to my belly on my own to see what I can feel or hear - I have to say, no liver for me either. Hmmpf.

It took awhile this morning for her to come in, so, PJ and I being the bored little children start playing with the equipment - he looks in my nose with the little nose light, looks in my eyes with the little eye light - your basic juevenille behavior. Then we decide that a zerbert should really be part of all cancer related physical exams. If you don't know what that is, it's when you blow a big fart sound on someones belly - it's hysterical. Could you imagine a doctor being all serious in examining you then at the end, laying you down and blowing a big zerbert on your belly - then reacting all serious afterwards and writing in your chart? We think this should be required.

When she examined my right breast, I now notice the excisional biopsy I had done is finally pretty much all healed. This was basically a lumpectomy I had done, and my boob, although smaler now to match the other, is a bit, well, deformed now. My top (I don't say the N word for the top of your boob, remember?) kinda leans to the right now. Which I notice, then think back to when I was nursing and thought 'I wish it was like this then - it would have made nursing a whole lot easier cuz this was my bad side (how ironic) and what great aim I would have had to squirt unsuspecting people, then look up with a confused look on my face like it was raining or something.' I know - my mind is a bit twisted.

I wanted to share something from my wonderful little book 'Praying Through Cancer' again, cuz todays devotional was just amazing. Here was a bit of todays:

"Shortly after I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, I received an email from my namesake niece, Susanne. She was a medical student at the time and is now a surgeon. Her message simply said "Aunt Sue, I want the Big 'C' (Christ that is) to conquer the 'little c' (cancer)." Instantly I responded with "Susanne, where did you find that? It's awesome!." She replied "I don't know. It just came to me." I wrote back "Susanne, I will never refer to cancer as the Big C again".

Lord, help me focus on You as my 'Big C', ready to crush and triumph over the 'little c' that I am coping with now. Above all, I deeply desire that You are praised in this experience. If I can be assured of this, all that is happening is worthwhile for my growth and for Your glory."

Isn't that amazing! It was awesome to go into treatment with this fresh in my mind. Then, I got my husband to pray with me before they started the Taxol (chemo) drip today - that was pretty amazing too. I met a lovely woman named Peggy today - the chemo cubes were pretty full, so she and I shared one and she was just delightful. We talked about our cancer, she looked at the pictures of my girls and cried with me - and we talked about God. She told me her stories of how lovely her friends were through this experience, and which friends she had to say "See Ya" to. We both discovered what a gift this cancer has been to us, after the initial shock that is. Not many get a chance to look at life in this manner, and deepen their relationship with Him. She was absolutely lovely. I would have taken a pic of us together, but she, like me, is having trouble with losing her hair and I thought it would make her uncomfortable for me to ask, so I didn't.

My baked goods went over very well - everyone always seems so shocked when I do things like this. First off - I LOVE baking for people - plus, I figure, you gotta take care of the people who are taking care of you, right? I'm going to try to do this after I complete each cycle. A celebratory bake night event if you will - plus, they load me full of steriods the night before, I gotta tap into that extra energy, ya know?

We also met another couple towards the end of my treatment today, they were our age, and she was newly diagnosed. They were lovely too. What beautiful people I am getting to meet because of this. And unfortnately, seeing lots of younger women too.

To close, I think I've decided to go to phase II on the haircut front and go to the pixie cut now. It will be easier for it to fall out this way - plus, I have a LOT of hair. So, that's next on the agenda. Baby steps, baby steps.

Thank you to Nancy for watching my girls all day today, for Karen for taking Madeline for the morning and lunch then bringing her home, and to Sarah for making such a yummy dinner. You have no idea how much this helps us - I can't even describe. And thank you all for your support, it continues to flow into us and bless us, and is making this journey for me a journey of love - not a journey of pain. My love to all of you.

Now, go give someone you love a zerbert - it'll make you laugh.;-)